freedom

I have a joyous feat to celebrate. One that has taken my whole forsaken life to conquer. I realized recently that I no longer have the self-critical dialogue tape spinning in my head at all times. I no longer blame myself, victimize myself, put myself down, or scold myself internally. The instinct is no longer to find something to fix or improve about myself. And I’ve accepted all most of my imperfections.

This, of course, will continue to be a road I’ll likely travel. As long as I’m on this earth, I’m sure there will be situations I encounter that will test my ability to always see myself in the positive. The good news, I’ve learned, is that that’s okay. It’s not about making yourself perfect. It’s not about being your most highest perfect self. It’s about accepting the things about yourself that you might not love, and still loving yourself regardless. We learn to give others ourselves so freely, embrace their imperfections, love them through any pain - why can’t we do that for our own soul and body?

I wish there was a 3-step guide I could give someone on this. But here’s the thing I’ve learned about life - the true movers and shakers are time, challenge, change, and grace. You can’t cheat code ANYTHING. But also, life is simple. It’s not so complex as we make it. So you find the in-between. You simplify wherever you can. You don’t try. You do, or you rest.

I can say without hesitation that I love my soul, my body, my mind, my anxiety, my lust for life, my zest, my spunky attitude, my love of music, my intuition, my relationships, my doggie, my safe space, my aesthetic, and the list goes on. The days I’m not happy with my body, I’m not happy with my body. Then, when the next day rolls around, I’m happy again. And I accept that there may always be this gentle see-saw.

So tonight, I’ll celebrate.