on the dark days

I don’t allow my mind to venture to the dark side very often. I’m feeling a lil moody and melancholy so I’m going to soak the darkness in really tight. It feels eerie here. Like any hope built up over the years evaporated in a split second and is never mine to get back. In some ways, I feel like a moth being drawn to the light, but choosing to stay sucked into darkness. Or maybe the darkness is sucking me back in and wants me to think I have a choice, but I really do not. Do you ever feel like you can get to your wit’s end at the speed of light? You’re roses and daisies, until suddenly you’re not.

And no, I’m not actually depressed. I’m just feeling depressed in this moment. Which is allowed, by the way.

My body aches with envy, self-pity, and mental exhaustion. I feel the impulse to quiet the feelings via distraction, and therefore, I’ll write.

I don’t wish to come to any solution or outcome here. There will be no closing regards. Rather, I embrace this. We are not meant to be happy all the time, we are not meant to see our futures. Humans have a beautiful ability to feel the universe physically and emotionally.

The irony is happy can hurt, depression can feel like apathy, and much beauty comes from much pain. Who knew the world was such a brilliant writer, leaving twists around round corners?

Not much more to say, and my tea is calling. Farewell to today.