the aftermath of a panic attack.
I’m sitting here shaking in the aftermath of a panic attack. This one was particularly bad. My face went pale, I had to run to the bathroom during take-off while the flight attendant yelled “ma’am stay in your seat!!”. Once in the stall, I flung off my mask, my coat, and unzipped my pants so I could feel less confined. I spent some time clutching my stomach and dry heaving into the sink. After a few minutes, I felt better — as I always do after an episode. But as I sit here back in my seat, not so patiently waiting for the flight to just land already (I have another 3.5 hours, yeesh), I decided to share this experience in hopes that it might help me in the future, as well as anyone who comes across this article.
I felt better after I had let the flight crew know that I was having a panic attack — they seemed more sympathetic at that point and gave me some ginger ale and directions to use the bag at my seat if I needed to dry-heave again. In addition, I felt shaky and dizzy. Whew — this is a tough one. I have 4 more hours left on this flight and let’s hope I don’t have to use that thing.
I have been more panicked on flights recently, but never, never, never this bad. I keep feeling the feeling rush back up into me, the way anxiety just slowly creeps up on you.
A few thoughts as I write this during rolling panic attacks:
Coffee really can force an onset.
It helps to share your experience with others as it’s happening. Just telling ONE person, even if it’s a stranger, that you are having a moment. It allows you to feel less alone. And somehow saying the words out loud makes it feel less serious than your brain makes it out to be. You’re checking out at the grocery store — tell your cashier. You’re in line waiting for a roller coaster — tell the couple hugging each other in front of you. Just blab it out loud. Who cares if people think you are crazy? Text someone who knows you and cares about you and let them know.
All those different scenarios in your head? It’s fine. It’s fine if you have to sit on the bathroom floor of the flight the whole time in order to feel better. It’s fine if the person in the aisle seat next to you gets annoyed by you having to get up a couple of times during the flight. It’s fine that you’ll be shaky for the next few hours. It’s fine that your hair looks a little disheveled now.
Do the physical things that you need to do to feel better. Take layers off, roll up your sleeves, take off your shoes — get as comfortable as you can, especially if you’re getting hot flashes. If you have a fan or cold air nearby, or can splash your face with cold water, do that. Sit down if you’re standing up and feeling dizzy. If your trigger is crowded areas, tunnel vision on the closest place where you can have your moment. If you’re on a plane, maybe that’s the bathroom, or in the back with the flight attendants, or focusing on just your seat and your tray table and your magazines.
Get acquainted with your surroundings so you’re prepared for another episode. At the moment you start to feel hot or have a tight chest or like you’re going to be sick, you’ll be ready. In my case, I know that I have a brown paper bag in my seat for dry heaving. I know there are 2 bathrooms right behind me, and another two in the very back of the plane.
Remember the person who is kind to you in your moment, and if you ever see someone having a similar experience — or any kind of mental / physical situation, remember to return the favor and be that person’s safe space. While not all humans experience panic attacks, we have all had unsettling experiences, and we have all had situations where we needed the support of another human being — even a stranger.
At the moment things do feel a little bit better, take some time to clear your headspace. Start your deep breathing exercises or write a quick journal entry about your experience. Try not to find an immediate distraction as that could trigger your anxiety even further; it can also allow for more rolling attacks within a short time frame. Turn on some ambient music or a guided meditation podcast for panic; I’ll link a few below that have been saving graces for me. Taking this time has both short and long term effects. In the short-term, it allows you to identify the panic attack as a temporary experience and gives you a safe sanctuary for your body to recover instead of stuffing the trauma inside. Long term, it helps you identify triggers for and aids for your future panic attacks — so that every time one comes up, it’s a little less scary and debilitating. And whatever you do, do NOT judge yourself for the experience you just had. In fact, say a quick “thank you” to your body. It loves you so much that it wants to protect you at all costs — unfortunately it just doesn’t know the best way sometimes.
In a short period of time, you’ll be back to your yooj and won’t think twice about this moment.
Feel better soon and know you’re not alone.
