lover girl
Dear Lover Girl, Dara.
It’s been so long since I’ve known you. Or have I ever really known you?
I heard a quote this evening and it really got my wheels a-turnin. It was a quote about how you can say you’re better off alone because it’s so much easier to be alone than to deal with the pain of whatever love brings. Similar to the quote “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” - Alfred, Lord Tennyson. Usually quotes like this don’t resonate with me, but this one did tonight.
I wonder if I have created a life where I run from love and intimacy. And I’m referring to Romantic love here, for the record. There’s a physical wall that I can feel within my chest that prevents me from feeling. like really, feeling. and letting love in. when did the whole world go and learn how to love?
I researched this concept a bit in the book “The Witch of Portobello” by Paula Coelho (also the beautimous author of “The Alchemist”.) The answer is really simple. We don’t learn; we’re born with the ability. We learn from past lives and current life situations that love is conditional. In my case, I’ve gotten caught in such a mindset that I have to prove myself, be my best most beautiful most funny highest self in order to receive love. That I have to be fully whole. But we’re never whole as humans. And it' doesn’t have to be either, or. You can be in a beautiful committed romantic relationship and still have a wonderful career or chase your purpose or travel the world or fulfill your dreams. And you don’t have to wait to give love until you meet your soulmate. It’s perfectly safe and healthy to fall in love numerous times with someone who isn’t quite right, as you learn so much from those moments. Relationships are lessons, and if you’re wise, you walk away from each with a newfound learning that you can use to make your life just a little bit better.
I know the lover girl in me is in me, and she’s ready to get out. Concepts are great in writing or in theory, but to live them is a different story. How I’ll get her out is left to be a story told, but I’m sure we’ll revisit this topic over and over again.
